after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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