apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize