I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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