What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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