Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
