i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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