I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
