the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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