i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
