you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
