i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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