Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
