For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize