I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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