Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
