their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
