I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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