When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
