I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
