just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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