What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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