the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
