He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
