My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
