I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
