Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
