took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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