if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
