I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
