I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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