quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize