Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
