I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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