apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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