and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
