i just had sex bonerless
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
