you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have aggressive nipples.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize