It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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