I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
