Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
