if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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