I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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