My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
