I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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