i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
