Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
