someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
