How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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