I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
