We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize