Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
