HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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