god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
