I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
