It's Friday. Sex?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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