Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize