am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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