Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
