Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
