Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
