do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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