Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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