guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
