you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
