I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
