Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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