I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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