I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we made out on top of his cat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
