Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
