Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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