I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
