Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I could fuck to npr.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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