Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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