so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
