he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Are we still banned from the library?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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