do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
