Pappa wants mamma naked
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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