Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
