i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
