The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
