I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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