i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
