I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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