We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
