So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
