Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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