He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
