Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
