2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
