i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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