I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
