So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
