im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
