glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
