Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
