Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
