taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
