So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My ass is underappreciated
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
