I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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