the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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