My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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