The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
