So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
